“So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herdsmen and mine, for we are brothers. Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.”” (Gen 13:8-9 NIV)
One of the things anyone that wants to experience peace in his relationships must learn is that peace is never free – there is always a price to pay for it. For example, in order for us to be able to enjoy a peaceful relationship with God, He had to pay the price for it. We were His enemies that deserved nothing but His wrath. But because of His great love for us, He paid the penalty for our sins for us, so that we may be at peace with Him. And that penalty, that price that God paid for our sins, is our Lord Jesus Christ. No wonder the Bible refers to Him as our peace. (Cf. Rom 4:25-5:1; Eph 2:14)
In like manner, if we want to continually experience peace in any of our legitimate relationships, especially the ones that have become a source of pain to us, we need to be willing to pay the price for it. God was willing to pay the price for us to be at peace with Him, even though we were the problem. And that was because of His great love for us (John 3:16; Rom 5:8; Eph 2:4-5). So, if we too love the people in question and truly want to be at peace with them, then we will not mind paying the price for our peace with them to be a reality.
This is what we see in our opening Bible text about Abraham. As the account goes, he was the one that God used in raising Lot, his nephew, to be a man of substance. But then, at some point, the land in which they were staying could no longer support the two of them and their people and resources. So, quarrelling arose between his men and Lot’s men. And in order for peace to be restored and maintained among them, he took it upon himself to pay the price for it, even though he could have acted otherwise, seeing that he was the one that brought Lot up to be whatever he had become at that time. (Cf. Gen 13:1-8)
What, then, was the price he paid? First, it had to do with parting company with his nephew, Lot, whom he loved dearly. And that was necessary, for the land was just too small for the two of them to use. So, there are times that the price to pay for us to have peace with some people that we love dearly may be to part company with them. This, of course, does not mean to sever our ties with them. (And in fact, there are relationships, especially marriage relationships and other blood relationships, that God does not permit us to destroy or abandon, for reasons He has clearly pointed out in the Bible (Matt 19:9; 1Tim 5:8).) Rather, it means to give ourselves some space or distance, so that we may deny Satan any room to keep using our relationship to hurt us.
Second, the price Abraham paid to maintain a peaceful relationship with Lot involved allowing the latter to choose first what part of the land he would operate in. That means he gave up his right, as Lot’s guardian and the older man, to choose first what pleased him. And even though the young man acted foolishly and greedily on that occasion, Abraham did not become bitter against him (Gen 13:10-13). That was why, much later, when Lot got into trouble, Abraham did not hesitate to gather his fighting men to go and rescue him (Gen 14). Then when the land Lot was living in was about to be utterly destroyed by God, Abraham also earnestly interceded for it, so that Lot and his family would not be destroyed along with it (Gen 18:16-33).
So, it is clear that Abraham was the one that took responsibility for maintaining a peaceful and cordial relationship with Lot. And that was because he loved him deeply and truly and was also conscious of God. No wonder God Himself, who had been watching the whole thing all along, came to this man after his nephew had left him and promised to give him the whole land before him, as far as his eyes could see. (Cf. Gen 13:14-17)
Now perhaps we too need to give up certain rights, privileges or benefits of ours in order to work out peace in certain relationships of ours. Then let us do so lovingly and sincerely, remembering that it is the will of God for us to be at peace with all men, as long as it depends on us (Rom 12:18). And when we have done this, the God of peace Himself will comfort us, honour us and also grant us peace in every way and at all times.
Life Application: Think of one strained relationship that you truly want to see restored. Ask yourself: what price might I need to pay – an apology I must offer first, a right I must set aside, or some space and boundary I need to create? Choose one step and take it this week, without waiting for the other person to move first. Keep praying for that person and serving them without bitterness, as Abraham did. And remember that creating distance is not the same as abandoning a relationship; where marriage or family ties are involved, seek the counsel of your pastor or a mature believer.
